Old Mail

I get a bunch of mail addressed to “occupant”. We all do, and it’s easy to ignore and send to the recycle bin.

Lately, though, I have been receiving a new kind of mail. Disturbing mail, mail that shows the sender knows far too much about me: Far, far too much about my age.

For instance, yesterday I received an advert asking if I had purchased my burial plot yet. (Well, no, in fact I have not. I’m still pondering the ownership benefits of an RV.) The advert went on to “imply” that I was callous and uncaring about the burden I was about to place on my grieving relatives.

Well CRAP! I didn’t know I was sick, let alone about to die. That’s not the news you want to hear from a letter, at least not one with a glossy picture of a tombstone on the front!

But wait, that’s not all!

I belong to a golf league. It’s fun and gets me out of the house. The golf league membership is divided up into age groups. That’s logical; I don’t want to compete with 20 year olds. I like a more laid-back golf game than they do.

It turns out, however I ended up in the “Super-senior” category. I just never thought of myself as a “Super Senior”, I’m still working on middle aged.

That’s not all bad, I suppose. The beer cart tends to stay closer to us “Seniors”. It carries the defibrillator.

But wait-wait, that’s still not all!

AARP offered me a senior member discount! Think about that. An organization of OLD PEOPLE, is offering me a SENIOR discount. How old do you have to be in order to get the AARP Senior Discount?

I can’t think about this stuff anymore. I gotta go take a nap.